Sound off if you got your GENCON tickets!
Who's got 'em, who's yet to get 'em, and who wishes they had 'em? That Marriott Ballroom will never be the same after we're done with it. Sweet cookies!
Saturday, July 28, 2007
Friday, July 27, 2007
Shadows of the Black Feather Part VII: The Dark Woods of Grimm Tales
Previously on Expedition to Castle Ravenloft, the heroes discovered the Holy Symbol of Ravenkind hidden in the graveyard of the village of Barovia, and got one (small) step closer to putting the Devil Strahd to rest for good.
However, upon their return to the village proper, they discovered that a mythical dwarf-man and a pack of giant wolves came into the village and stole some children while the heroes were indisposed fighting subterranean ghoul ninjas during the last adventure! Questioning the barkeep of the Blood o' the Vine Tavern, they discovered that the dwarf man returned every decade or so to steal children and had been doing so for well on 150 years! Furthermore, the heroes found old drawings of the demihuman kidnapper in old scrolls within the Burgomaster's mansion, referred to as the "Gnome of the Fairy Forest." Clearly heroes such as they couldn't let this kind of horror continue!
Namara the bard made a few inquiries about town, and found that there is a forest rumored to be where the creature drags its prey, up near Tser Falls. The forest is known as the "Forest of the Shadow Fairies" and it is said that anyone who enters never leaves, as they are tricked by the fairies and sent to their deaths. Marking the location on their map, the group loaded up their belongings and set out immediately the next morning.
Following Old Svalich Road, the heroes made it to the old gypsy encampment near Tser Lake, though the gypsies had left. They continued on into the forest, where they found a hand-painted sign. As soon as they passed the sign and entered the woods, they felt the forest grow dark and the mists seemed to creep in around them.
Soon they came upon a strange sight. A small girl sat on a huge mushroom with a bowl of porriage or somesuch in her hands. She sat perfectly still and didn't seem to notice them. As the party came closer to investigate, they realized, to their horror, that the girl was actually long dead, and had been stuffed with hay and sown back together as if she were a hunting trophy! Furthermore the giant mushroom she "sat" upon was nothing but a wood carving. As they inspected this horrific theme park attraction before them, the priest and dwarf were enveloped in webs, and huge spiders sprang down from the trees!
After a hard-fought battle, and a few fort saves vs. poison, the party prevailed against the giant spiders. They then burnt the stuffed body of the poor child and said some prayers of sacrament over the flames.
Continuing on the path into the forest toward the waterfall, they were suprised to see a number of crows spring up from the trail in front of them. Upon further inspection, Cedric the priest noticed that a few breadcrumbs lay about them, though where they came from was beyond his tracking skills. Up ahead they came upon a tiny cabin with two small figures in front of it. The cabin seemed to be made of gingerbread and the children looked to be eating pieces of it, though they were not moving. Soon the party realized that these kids, too, were mounted as some sort of grotesque depiction of a child's fairy tale.
But suddenly the smell of the gingerbread house overcame them, and Garsome, Namara, and Milo all raced toward the house intent on eating it! Cedric only had seconds to act, but fortunately had memorized the spell break enchantment (much to my surprise), and was able to snap Garsome and Namara out of their frenzied hunger. Milo, probably due to his halfling heritage, was unable to resist taking a bite of chocolate roof shingle. Upon eating the most delicious house, a soft voice emanated from inside:
And Milo was promply balefully polymorphed into a tiny rodent. As the remainder of the party laughed at his predicament, a cat darted out of the bushes nearby intent on eating the malformed halfling. Fortunately, Milo was able to tumble safely into the hands of Garsome, who was already kicking the cat far into the woods. Contemplating leaving the roguish halfling to his fate, and upon consultation with Namara's bardic lore, the group decided that he does come in handy once and a while and Cedric powered up a dispel magic to change Milo back to his small, but at least not-so-tiny, self.
Deciding to deal with the house itself, and the voice within, the adventurers cautiously stomped into the cabin, where their senses were once again accosted by a huge banquet feast, surrounded by gold and gems. The smell of the feast once again threatened to take hold of the party. Holding his nose, Cedric raced into the room and kicked over the table, spilling the food all over the floor. The adventurers then picked up as much treasure as they could while holding their breath before running out of the cabin. They quickly, as adventurers are wont to do, chopped down the cabin and burnt it.
Being extra cautious as they continued through the forest, the party came upon another strange presentation: a wolf on its hind legs in a flower-print dress wielding a giant dinner knife, chasing a little red-caped girl! Of course, both were perfectly still and it was yet another taxidermist's mad art project. Immediately applying silversheen to their weapons, they were not surprised when werecreatures burst out of the forest around them. However, they were surprised that instead of the werewolves they'd been encountering in the surrounding forests, these creatures were all sorts of werebeast species, from tigers to boarmen!
Quickly determining that their silvered weapons wouldn't necessarily hurt these unusual werebeasts, they fell back on plan "B." Plan "B" consists of casting haste, magic circle of protection, inspire confidence, heroism, and cure moderate wounds on Garsome and shoving him into battle to just hit the beasts as hard as he can. This high-precision tactic paid off, and the werecreatures were vanquished. As they reverted to their humanoid forms, the creatures turned into malnourished children wearing metal collars. Clearly they had been forced into servitude to a higher evil malevolence.
After this tromp through the "Grimm"-est of fairy tales, they decided to rest the night in the forest before seeing what kind of nonsense deathtraps they'd encounter nearer to the waterfall. Also, Cedric was running low on spells and wanted a chance to memorize some more enchantment-resistance spells.
Unfortunately for our resident priest-warrior, he didn't get the opportunity. During the night, Cedric had a terrible nightmare in which he was chased by a witch, who grabbed him, put a saddle on him, and rode him like a beast all over the forest. He woke up extremely exhausted and was unable to memorize any spells the next morning. While pondering the strange dream, he used one of his few remaining lesser restoration spells to revive himself and realized that he wouldn't get any sleep until he left the forest or killed this dream-haunting witch!
Will the heroes survive the Forest of Shadow Fairies to reach the waterfall? And what will they find therein, the immortal gnome-prince of the fey? Will Cedric run out of party-saving spells just when they need them the most? (yes) Find out, in the next installment of:
However, upon their return to the village proper, they discovered that a mythical dwarf-man and a pack of giant wolves came into the village and stole some children while the heroes were indisposed fighting subterranean ghoul ninjas during the last adventure! Questioning the barkeep of the Blood o' the Vine Tavern, they discovered that the dwarf man returned every decade or so to steal children and had been doing so for well on 150 years! Furthermore, the heroes found old drawings of the demihuman kidnapper in old scrolls within the Burgomaster's mansion, referred to as the "Gnome of the Fairy Forest." Clearly heroes such as they couldn't let this kind of horror continue!
Namara the bard made a few inquiries about town, and found that there is a forest rumored to be where the creature drags its prey, up near Tser Falls. The forest is known as the "Forest of the Shadow Fairies" and it is said that anyone who enters never leaves, as they are tricked by the fairies and sent to their deaths. Marking the location on their map, the group loaded up their belongings and set out immediately the next morning.Following Old Svalich Road, the heroes made it to the old gypsy encampment near Tser Lake, though the gypsies had left. They continued on into the forest, where they found a hand-painted sign. As soon as they passed the sign and entered the woods, they felt the forest grow dark and the mists seemed to creep in around them.
Soon they came upon a strange sight. A small girl sat on a huge mushroom with a bowl of porriage or somesuch in her hands. She sat perfectly still and didn't seem to notice them. As the party came closer to investigate, they realized, to their horror, that the girl was actually long dead, and had been stuffed with hay and sown back together as if she were a hunting trophy! Furthermore the giant mushroom she "sat" upon was nothing but a wood carving. As they inspected this horrific theme park attraction before them, the priest and dwarf were enveloped in webs, and huge spiders sprang down from the trees!
After a hard-fought battle, and a few fort saves vs. poison, the party prevailed against the giant spiders. They then burnt the stuffed body of the poor child and said some prayers of sacrament over the flames.
Continuing on the path into the forest toward the waterfall, they were suprised to see a number of crows spring up from the trail in front of them. Upon further inspection, Cedric the priest noticed that a few breadcrumbs lay about them, though where they came from was beyond his tracking skills. Up ahead they came upon a tiny cabin with two small figures in front of it. The cabin seemed to be made of gingerbread and the children looked to be eating pieces of it, though they were not moving. Soon the party realized that these kids, too, were mounted as some sort of grotesque depiction of a child's fairy tale.
But suddenly the smell of the gingerbread house overcame them, and Garsome, Namara, and Milo all raced toward the house intent on eating it! Cedric only had seconds to act, but fortunately had memorized the spell break enchantment (much to my surprise), and was able to snap Garsome and Namara out of their frenzied hunger. Milo, probably due to his halfling heritage, was unable to resist taking a bite of chocolate roof shingle. Upon eating the most delicious house, a soft voice emanated from inside:"Nibble, nibble, at my house, who would nibble, perhaps a mouse?"
And Milo was promply balefully polymorphed into a tiny rodent. As the remainder of the party laughed at his predicament, a cat darted out of the bushes nearby intent on eating the malformed halfling. Fortunately, Milo was able to tumble safely into the hands of Garsome, who was already kicking the cat far into the woods. Contemplating leaving the roguish halfling to his fate, and upon consultation with Namara's bardic lore, the group decided that he does come in handy once and a while and Cedric powered up a dispel magic to change Milo back to his small, but at least not-so-tiny, self.
Deciding to deal with the house itself, and the voice within, the adventurers cautiously stomped into the cabin, where their senses were once again accosted by a huge banquet feast, surrounded by gold and gems. The smell of the feast once again threatened to take hold of the party. Holding his nose, Cedric raced into the room and kicked over the table, spilling the food all over the floor. The adventurers then picked up as much treasure as they could while holding their breath before running out of the cabin. They quickly, as adventurers are wont to do, chopped down the cabin and burnt it.
Being extra cautious as they continued through the forest, the party came upon another strange presentation: a wolf on its hind legs in a flower-print dress wielding a giant dinner knife, chasing a little red-caped girl! Of course, both were perfectly still and it was yet another taxidermist's mad art project. Immediately applying silversheen to their weapons, they were not surprised when werecreatures burst out of the forest around them. However, they were surprised that instead of the werewolves they'd been encountering in the surrounding forests, these creatures were all sorts of werebeast species, from tigers to boarmen!
Quickly determining that their silvered weapons wouldn't necessarily hurt these unusual werebeasts, they fell back on plan "B." Plan "B" consists of casting haste, magic circle of protection, inspire confidence, heroism, and cure moderate wounds on Garsome and shoving him into battle to just hit the beasts as hard as he can. This high-precision tactic paid off, and the werecreatures were vanquished. As they reverted to their humanoid forms, the creatures turned into malnourished children wearing metal collars. Clearly they had been forced into servitude to a higher evil malevolence.
After this tromp through the "Grimm"-est of fairy tales, they decided to rest the night in the forest before seeing what kind of nonsense deathtraps they'd encounter nearer to the waterfall. Also, Cedric was running low on spells and wanted a chance to memorize some more enchantment-resistance spells.
Unfortunately for our resident priest-warrior, he didn't get the opportunity. During the night, Cedric had a terrible nightmare in which he was chased by a witch, who grabbed him, put a saddle on him, and rode him like a beast all over the forest. He woke up extremely exhausted and was unable to memorize any spells the next morning. While pondering the strange dream, he used one of his few remaining lesser restoration spells to revive himself and realized that he wouldn't get any sleep until he left the forest or killed this dream-haunting witch!
Will the heroes survive the Forest of Shadow Fairies to reach the waterfall? And what will they find therein, the immortal gnome-prince of the fey? Will Cedric run out of party-saving spells just when they need them the most? (yes) Find out, in the next installment of:
Expedition to Castle Ravenloft!
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
The Hatcher Hijack!
Nate the Postdoc and Amy the Librarian came to Oregon last weekend, and we all hung out like Champions.
First things first, we took them on a hike up Spencer's Mountain just southeast of Eugene. I came fully prepared to guide them past the dangers that lurk in the forests of the Pacific Northwest.
Once we got to the top, we sat down, drank energy drinks, and enjoyed the view. We saw a number of really large red-tailed hawks circling around the tops of the trees, and we were above a number of them.
They stayed overnight and the next morning Mary, Nathan, Amy and I drove to the beach. I proceeded to whip each in turn with giant algae whips.
Finally, on Monday night we all hung out up in Portland as Amy had a Librarian's Convention there she was speaking at and she needed to justify UIUC paying for their trip to Oregon (visiting me and Mary, as quality of a reason as that is, isn't one of the boxes you can check when you fill out the reimbursement form). So Mary and I drove up to Portland and stayed with them in their deluxo hotel suite, and we went out for Thai food and after-dinner wine in downtown Portland. It was excellent (but alas, I forgot the camera).
Let that be a lesson to all. Any of you nutjobs can expect when you come to Oregon to visit me and Mary, that you'll get the full goddamn tour, even if it requires me to force you to hike up a mountain and whip you with sealife, or my name isn't Cyberninja20XX!
First things first, we took them on a hike up Spencer's Mountain just southeast of Eugene. I came fully prepared to guide them past the dangers that lurk in the forests of the Pacific Northwest.
Once we got to the top, we sat down, drank energy drinks, and enjoyed the view. We saw a number of really large red-tailed hawks circling around the tops of the trees, and we were above a number of them.
They stayed overnight and the next morning Mary, Nathan, Amy and I drove to the beach. I proceeded to whip each in turn with giant algae whips.
Finally, on Monday night we all hung out up in Portland as Amy had a Librarian's Convention there she was speaking at and she needed to justify UIUC paying for their trip to Oregon (visiting me and Mary, as quality of a reason as that is, isn't one of the boxes you can check when you fill out the reimbursement form). So Mary and I drove up to Portland and stayed with them in their deluxo hotel suite, and we went out for Thai food and after-dinner wine in downtown Portland. It was excellent (but alas, I forgot the camera).Let that be a lesson to all. Any of you nutjobs can expect when you come to Oregon to visit me and Mary, that you'll get the full goddamn tour, even if it requires me to force you to hike up a mountain and whip you with sealife, or my name isn't Cyberninja20XX!
Saturday, July 21, 2007
Hermoine dies on page 363!!!11!!!
In other news, Bumblebee is a yellow Camaro rather than a VW bug, but the movie still totally kicks ass.
Autobots, ROLL OUT!
Pirates of Dark Water:
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
Shadows of the Black Feather VI: The Grave Ghouls of Gallows Hill
We finally got together after a month-long hiatus to play some more D&D on Fantasy Grounds, and got a fourth player from the old school to join up!
To recap last season's finale, the adventurers had discovered that the Devil Strahd's mystic connection to the land is empowered by three sacred runestones scattered around Barovia, which must be rejoined with their sacred relics to break Strahd's hold over the land. Upon the party's return to the village of Barovia, they stumbled across and banished a strange vampire who was trying to kidnap the Burgomeister's daughter, in broad daylight!
Just another day in the quiet vampire-infested hamlet of Barovia.
To start off this new season, we find the adventurers resting at the Blood O' the Vine Tavern discussing what to make of last season's events, when they see a female elven Bard singing tales of high adventure up on the stage. After her song is over, she introduces herself to the companions as the traveling minstrel Namara, and asks to join the party as she has heard tales in town of their valorous exploits. The adventurers nod their heads and agree to her penning their tales of glorious heroics for the future of mankind, and ask if she wants to join them in heroically digging up graves north of town. She agrees to accompany them in this courageous and noble deed.
In a previous side exploration, Garsim discovered a partially dug up grave in one far corner of the graveyard, and decided that the grave needed further investigation later when he had more hands to dig (and clerics). Sure enough, the adventurers found that the grave led to a hand-dug tunnel, just large enough for them to crawl through. After requisite oils and insense is burned to bless their passage, and with Garsim's darkvision leading the way, the tunnels opened into a large cavern, with bones, half-open coffins, and a dead bodies strewn about. Suddenly, the adventurers realize that atop one of the coffins sits a hooded priest, unmoving but clearly not dead! Before anyone can think to question the robed man, or ask him why he's there, or try to discover any clues about the surrounding area based on this obvious opportunity for role-playing...Garsim springs into action, axe in hand!
But the robed man was preternaturally quick, and dodged Garsim's axe with a swiftness born only to the devil himself! As the monk attempts to claw at Garsim, an undead harpy (of all things), springs out from a hidden alcove, and begins singing a song of longing and desire. Fortunately for the party, Cedric Finalrest, Cleric of Kelemvor, had cast magic circle of protection on Garsim's beard, protecting the party from being controlled by the captivating song! For her trouble, Milo stabbed the harpy a couple quick times with his silver dagger. Namara began singing a song of courage and valor, such that the party was invigorated and struck doubly hard at the undead beasts!
Two ghasts jumped down from hidden holes in the ceiling and attempted to claw at the halfling and cleric, but they were too quick and armored, respectively. Then Cedric cast a protective spell on Garsim to protect him from death magic, and called on the power of Kelemvor to smite these undead beasts from afar, and a blinding light of holy destruction flared from the priest's holy symbol as all four creatures were seriously burned! But the day was not yet theirs, as the undead monk lept onto Garsim, getting him in an arm-bar stranglehold and refusing him the use of his heavy axe, just as the harpy clawed at Milo and injected her paralytic poison into the halfling's veins!
As you can see from this screenshot, this campaign is a little note-heavy.
With the halfling paralyzed and the dwarf in hand-to-hand combat with the monk, things looked bleak for the party. Namara put down her lute and fired two quick longbow shots into a ghast, hoping to free up the priest for more spellcasting. Just then, Garsim reached into his pack and pulled out the Sunsword*, and stabbed the monk through the chest with the glowing glassteel weapon. The monk's undead form was destroyed, and pulled into the blade of the weapon, setting the creature to rest for eternity. Then Cedric called on the awesome that is Kelemvor once again and blasted the remaining two ghasts and harpy into cinders.
The Destroy Undead alternative turning rules tend to slightly change the dynamic of a cleric's turning ability.
For their trouble, the PCs found some magic bracers, a wand of magic missiles, and some gold jewelry. They also found coffin-sized holes in the walls, apparently where the ghasts and ghouls were digging to nearby graves and pulling the bodies to their lair. Cedric sprinkled some holy water and said a few words of consecration.
The adventurers were puzzled, however, as they assumed Madam Eva's previous fortune telling them they'd find the Holy Symbol of Ravenkind in a place of death where the dead are put to rest would be in the graveyard of the village. So rather than leave the graveyard, they did an extensive search of the village. Eventually they narrowed the possible graves that hid the Holy Symbol, if it were in this graveyard, to three recently-dug graves: Anna Winslow, Zander Barcalow, and Henry Von Sprecken.
Unfortunately for the DM, Garsim went to high school with me, and so immediately realized that Anna Winslow refers to our friend's high school rock band Mrs. Winslow's Soothing Syrup, and Zander Barcalow is a name from the Starship Troopers Chronicles. So the only possible choice was the last grave, Henry! I shook my head at my sad attempt at thinking up names and called it a successful gather information check. Inside Henry's grave they found a trapped black coffin. Milo disarmed the trap so professionally he was able to retrieve the trap itself, which he found was a chemical trap that would spray some sort of garlic-smelling mixture. Inside the coffin laid a golden starburst symbol, which Namara was able to identify as the Holy Symbol of Ravenkind, from descriptions she had heard of it (bardic knowledge check). The adventurers had indeed found the legendary Holy Symbol!
But the Holy Symbol's power had waned, and it was clear it needed to be activated, much like the sunsword, before its full strength could be brought to bare against the Devil Strahd.
What will the adventurers do next? Find out in the next exciting installment of...
Shadows of the Black Feather: Expedition to Castle Ravenloft
To recap last season's finale, the adventurers had discovered that the Devil Strahd's mystic connection to the land is empowered by three sacred runestones scattered around Barovia, which must be rejoined with their sacred relics to break Strahd's hold over the land. Upon the party's return to the village of Barovia, they stumbled across and banished a strange vampire who was trying to kidnap the Burgomeister's daughter, in broad daylight!
Just another day in the quiet vampire-infested hamlet of Barovia.
Two ghasts jumped down from hidden holes in the ceiling and attempted to claw at the halfling and cleric, but they were too quick and armored, respectively. Then Cedric cast a protective spell on Garsim to protect him from death magic, and called on the power of Kelemvor to smite these undead beasts from afar, and a blinding light of holy destruction flared from the priest's holy symbol as all four creatures were seriously burned! But the day was not yet theirs, as the undead monk lept onto Garsim, getting him in an arm-bar stranglehold and refusing him the use of his heavy axe, just as the harpy clawed at Milo and injected her paralytic poison into the halfling's veins!
As you can see from this screenshot, this campaign is a little note-heavy.With the halfling paralyzed and the dwarf in hand-to-hand combat with the monk, things looked bleak for the party. Namara put down her lute and fired two quick longbow shots into a ghast, hoping to free up the priest for more spellcasting. Just then, Garsim reached into his pack and pulled out the Sunsword*, and stabbed the monk through the chest with the glowing glassteel weapon. The monk's undead form was destroyed, and pulled into the blade of the weapon, setting the creature to rest for eternity. Then Cedric called on the awesome that is Kelemvor once again and blasted the remaining two ghasts and harpy into cinders.
The Destroy Undead alternative turning rules tend to slightly change the dynamic of a cleric's turning ability.For their trouble, the PCs found some magic bracers, a wand of magic missiles, and some gold jewelry. They also found coffin-sized holes in the walls, apparently where the ghasts and ghouls were digging to nearby graves and pulling the bodies to their lair. Cedric sprinkled some holy water and said a few words of consecration.
The adventurers were puzzled, however, as they assumed Madam Eva's previous fortune telling them they'd find the Holy Symbol of Ravenkind in a place of death where the dead are put to rest would be in the graveyard of the village. So rather than leave the graveyard, they did an extensive search of the village. Eventually they narrowed the possible graves that hid the Holy Symbol, if it were in this graveyard, to three recently-dug graves: Anna Winslow, Zander Barcalow, and Henry Von Sprecken.
Unfortunately for the DM, Garsim went to high school with me, and so immediately realized that Anna Winslow refers to our friend's high school rock band Mrs. Winslow's Soothing Syrup, and Zander Barcalow is a name from the Starship Troopers Chronicles. So the only possible choice was the last grave, Henry! I shook my head at my sad attempt at thinking up names and called it a successful gather information check. Inside Henry's grave they found a trapped black coffin. Milo disarmed the trap so professionally he was able to retrieve the trap itself, which he found was a chemical trap that would spray some sort of garlic-smelling mixture. Inside the coffin laid a golden starburst symbol, which Namara was able to identify as the Holy Symbol of Ravenkind, from descriptions she had heard of it (bardic knowledge check). The adventurers had indeed found the legendary Holy Symbol!
But the Holy Symbol's power had waned, and it was clear it needed to be activated, much like the sunsword, before its full strength could be brought to bare against the Devil Strahd.What will the adventurers do next? Find out in the next exciting installment of...
Shadows of the Black Feather: Expedition to Castle Ravenloft
* The Sunsword is a bastard sword that, for good characters, counts as a light weapon, allowing it to be used in a grapple.
Sunday, July 15, 2007
Boo-Berries
Its our first summer in Oregon, and you know what that means...underpaid migrant farm labor! Ha ha, just kidding America, we didn't get paid anything.
For fruits to be certified Organic in the state of Oregon, they evidentially have to be weighed on some super-expensive scale at an official state factory or something, and then the fruit is taxed by weight and all the earth hippees get overcharged for their fruit addiction. I don't really know what I'm talking about here, the only thing I know is that in order to get some goddamn bluberries we gotta go out and pick them ourselves from the local fields.
Normally I'm a big fan of eating various plants I come across, but this was in no way a challenge. Every plant was filled with obvious blueberries and even a 4-year-old kid could find without resorting to a field guide. Without the chance for accidental poisoning, my enjoyment of wildlife flora eating is limited. It's my danger-seeking extreme personality.
That said, the blueberries are flippin' good and honestly it was pretty fun. Also, Mary developed a highly efficient picking method that kicked all the other picker's asses (heh). The other folk like to saunter up and down the bushes picking the obvious top berries like grazing cows, probably because of the "grass is always greener" mentality of today's consumer. We quickly noticed that the best and largest berries were hidden under the leaves, and sat down at each bush and pulled off boatloads of huge blueberries. I think we came home with 5 gallons of blueberries in all, and paid just a lousy $15 for the privilege of getting some spider bites and a nasty back-o'-the-neck sunburn. The largest blueberry was approximately about two centimeters in diameter, which I promptly ate.
They make a great blueberry protein shake when mixed with vanilla protein powder, and will soon make some excellent scones and muffins (I'll have to see if Mary will let me try putting protein powder in the muffins). Our freezer is now filled with frozen blueberries.
For fruits to be certified Organic in the state of Oregon, they evidentially have to be weighed on some super-expensive scale at an official state factory or something, and then the fruit is taxed by weight and all the earth hippees get overcharged for their fruit addiction. I don't really know what I'm talking about here, the only thing I know is that in order to get some goddamn bluberries we gotta go out and pick them ourselves from the local fields.Normally I'm a big fan of eating various plants I come across, but this was in no way a challenge. Every plant was filled with obvious blueberries and even a 4-year-old kid could find without resorting to a field guide. Without the chance for accidental poisoning, my enjoyment of wildlife flora eating is limited. It's my danger-seeking extreme personality.
That said, the blueberries are flippin' good and honestly it was pretty fun. Also, Mary developed a highly efficient picking method that kicked all the other picker's asses (heh). The other folk like to saunter up and down the bushes picking the obvious top berries like grazing cows, probably because of the "grass is always greener" mentality of today's consumer. We quickly noticed that the best and largest berries were hidden under the leaves, and sat down at each bush and pulled off boatloads of huge blueberries. I think we came home with 5 gallons of blueberries in all, and paid just a lousy $15 for the privilege of getting some spider bites and a nasty back-o'-the-neck sunburn. The largest blueberry was approximately about two centimeters in diameter, which I promptly ate.They make a great blueberry protein shake when mixed with vanilla protein powder, and will soon make some excellent scones and muffins (I'll have to see if Mary will let me try putting protein powder in the muffins). Our freezer is now filled with frozen blueberries.
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
Call of Juarez
My opinion about westerns, be they movie or video game, has changed dramatically in my old age. When I was a youngster I rolled my eyes every time my dad was watching a western, as with most things to me at that age, without a chance of a lightsaber battle I couldn't see the point of wasting your time with it.
Sometime between puberty and college graduation that all changed, and I now love renting and watching westerns. Be it Eastwood's cool shooting of a hanging rope from 400 yards, or John Wayne's knock-out haymaker, westerns have become awesome.
In the video game department the western genre is sorely underutilized. While six-shooter iconic image of the western automatically makes one think of first-person shooters, the western genre has taken a far back seat for fps's to the ubiquitous WW2 setting.
Call of Juarez is the latest western game to come out for the 360 since the excellence that was Gun. Since western genre games are few and far between, I decided to pick this one up and relive my love of blowing up stagecoaches filled with gunpowder and shooting banditos from horseback, because that's what I think of when I think of westerns.
The makers of Call of Juarez, on the other hand, think of forced stealth missions and gatling gun turrets.
In CoJ, you play two different characters, and switch between them after every level, like Mario and Luigi. Only instead of them being very similar in enjoyment like the plumber brothers, one of the characters is the refined essence of awesome and the other is the epitomy of "Why the hell am I playing this again?"
Lets start with the best first (even though you play him second). Reverend Ray. Reverend Ray is a Solomon Kane clone in the Western style. He's an ex-outlaw preacher who's fed up and has decided to take up the sword of God and smite down villainous foes. Not only does he get bullet-time capability (slow down power) that refreshes almost instantly, and is almost indestructible, he also gets a bible he can "wield." Now that may not seem like it would have much effect on your ability to shoot bad guys, and it doesn't affect game play at all, but it makes you feel 100x cooler than you would otherwise when shooting people in the face. See, the game lets you put different stuff in each hand, so you could have a six-shooter in one hand and a sawed-off in the other, with each gun controlled by the left and right triggers. Well, one item you can always switch to in your right hand is your trusty bible which you can read from while you shoot the crap out of "the enemies of the Lord." Everytime you pull the right trigger Reverend Ray will read some Old Testament Bible verse. Blowing the shit out of dudes with a gun in one hand while reciting the fall of Babylon out of the bible in your other really must be seen to be believed. Its awesome.
That brings us to Billy. Billy sucks. He's a half-mexican "nobody likes me" teenager who gets blamed for every little thing that goes wrong in town, and at the beginning gets blamed for his mom and stepdad's murders. I think the game was trying to teach me a lesson about racism or something, but instead it just taught me how to hate playing video games. Billy has rudimentary gun skills, almost no health, and only occasionally can find guns which are like crappy derringers and rusty six-shooters. The one thing he always has is a whip, with which he can grab branches and pull himself up. Go Billy! See, with Billy they decided to make a shitty platformer/stealth half of the game, where you spend forty minutes climbing up the sides of cliffs looking for whip-able branches, or spend an hour and a half creeping around from identical bush to identical bush in the back of a farmhouse to steal a horse. It sucks. It sucks bad. And the fact that he can only hide in a specific-looking bush makes the otherwise beautiful scenery an eyesore. Whenever you look out upon a beautiful prairie, and then see one of those goddamn bushes, you know a stupid-ass stealth mission is coming up. Plus if you get seen during the extremely boring stealth mission you automatically have to start all over!
Billy's worst enemy...
...the perceptive farmer!
Also, why does every first person shooter have stupid gun turret sections? They aren't fun, oh great game designers, they're freaking boring! While I was under the impression that the gatling gun was actually a very rare item in the Old West, in Call of Juarez there's a gatling gun just sitting around every few hundred yards, and if you see a gatling gun in front of your only path then no doubt a hundred Nazis/Aliens/Bandits are going to pour out of the nearby gate any second!
Also, the end of the game kind of sucks.
In the end, utilizing the scale of the Mayan quipus, a colorful rope tied into knots, the reviewers of the Technodojo give this game:
Knot, little knot, space, little knot
I would have given it knot, little knot, space, knot had it had less Billy and more Ray, but since it was only half a game that's how it goes. Only play if you are a true fan of westerns or psychotic preachers and can stomach repeating crappy sneak levels over and over.
Sometime between puberty and college graduation that all changed, and I now love renting and watching westerns. Be it Eastwood's cool shooting of a hanging rope from 400 yards, or John Wayne's knock-out haymaker, westerns have become awesome.
In the video game department the western genre is sorely underutilized. While six-shooter iconic image of the western automatically makes one think of first-person shooters, the western genre has taken a far back seat for fps's to the ubiquitous WW2 setting.
Call of Juarez is the latest western game to come out for the 360 since the excellence that was Gun. Since western genre games are few and far between, I decided to pick this one up and relive my love of blowing up stagecoaches filled with gunpowder and shooting banditos from horseback, because that's what I think of when I think of westerns.
The makers of Call of Juarez, on the other hand, think of forced stealth missions and gatling gun turrets.
In CoJ, you play two different characters, and switch between them after every level, like Mario and Luigi. Only instead of them being very similar in enjoyment like the plumber brothers, one of the characters is the refined essence of awesome and the other is the epitomy of "Why the hell am I playing this again?"
Lets start with the best first (even though you play him second). Reverend Ray. Reverend Ray is a Solomon Kane clone in the Western style. He's an ex-outlaw preacher who's fed up and has decided to take up the sword of God and smite down villainous foes. Not only does he get bullet-time capability (slow down power) that refreshes almost instantly, and is almost indestructible, he also gets a bible he can "wield." Now that may not seem like it would have much effect on your ability to shoot bad guys, and it doesn't affect game play at all, but it makes you feel 100x cooler than you would otherwise when shooting people in the face. See, the game lets you put different stuff in each hand, so you could have a six-shooter in one hand and a sawed-off in the other, with each gun controlled by the left and right triggers. Well, one item you can always switch to in your right hand is your trusty bible which you can read from while you shoot the crap out of "the enemies of the Lord." Everytime you pull the right trigger Reverend Ray will read some Old Testament Bible verse. Blowing the shit out of dudes with a gun in one hand while reciting the fall of Babylon out of the bible in your other really must be seen to be believed. Its awesome.
That brings us to Billy. Billy sucks. He's a half-mexican "nobody likes me" teenager who gets blamed for every little thing that goes wrong in town, and at the beginning gets blamed for his mom and stepdad's murders. I think the game was trying to teach me a lesson about racism or something, but instead it just taught me how to hate playing video games. Billy has rudimentary gun skills, almost no health, and only occasionally can find guns which are like crappy derringers and rusty six-shooters. The one thing he always has is a whip, with which he can grab branches and pull himself up. Go Billy! See, with Billy they decided to make a shitty platformer/stealth half of the game, where you spend forty minutes climbing up the sides of cliffs looking for whip-able branches, or spend an hour and a half creeping around from identical bush to identical bush in the back of a farmhouse to steal a horse. It sucks. It sucks bad. And the fact that he can only hide in a specific-looking bush makes the otherwise beautiful scenery an eyesore. Whenever you look out upon a beautiful prairie, and then see one of those goddamn bushes, you know a stupid-ass stealth mission is coming up. Plus if you get seen during the extremely boring stealth mission you automatically have to start all over!
Billy's worst enemy...
...the perceptive farmer!Also, why does every first person shooter have stupid gun turret sections? They aren't fun, oh great game designers, they're freaking boring! While I was under the impression that the gatling gun was actually a very rare item in the Old West, in Call of Juarez there's a gatling gun just sitting around every few hundred yards, and if you see a gatling gun in front of your only path then no doubt a hundred Nazis/Aliens/Bandits are going to pour out of the nearby gate any second!
Also, the end of the game kind of sucks.
In the end, utilizing the scale of the Mayan quipus, a colorful rope tied into knots, the reviewers of the Technodojo give this game:
Knot, little knot, space, little knot
I would have given it knot, little knot, space, knot had it had less Billy and more Ray, but since it was only half a game that's how it goes. Only play if you are a true fan of westerns or psychotic preachers and can stomach repeating crappy sneak levels over and over.
Monday, July 9, 2007
Hacked by the morally repugnant
So my latest blogpost got hacked this morning sometime after 8am. I decided to check my blog this morning around 9:30am (after posting a comment at 8am) and found that the picture I had linked to in the post of a flash gordon-esque sci-fi setting (Edgar Rice Burroughs Mars) had been changed to a horrendous and sanity-damning porn picture that can only be found within the deep and dismal cesspool that the internet has become.
I quickly logged in and deleted the thing this morning, and after I got home from work I have checked through my old posts for any other changed pictures that any morally challenged adolescents decided to change.
I post this blog to be totally work-safe, so please don't think that that picture was put up by me if you saw it. If you did see it (I hope I caught it before anyone had to view that awful thing) then I am sorry, and I am taking measures to prevent that kind of hacking in the future. I suggest those of you with blogspot blogs do the same.
I reported it to blogspot with all the relevant information (link address, etc), so hopefully blogspot will be on their toes, and I am only going to put up images I first download and upload from my (router-and-firewall-protected) computer. I don't entirely know how they were able to replace my linked pic with one of their own, because the original pic is still there at the same address, but it definitely only happened with pics I linked-to rather than uploaded (such as the map). Its probably better I upload them from my own computer site anyway because stealing bandwidth from the original sites of those pictures just so people can see the pictures on my blog is probably a jerk thing to do anyway (I didn't realize this was the case before I looked into it today).
Now they may have just been too lazy to replace my actual uploaded pics, and could still do it, but I'm hoping that extra work will keep the script kiddies out of there. If not then, well, I can live without blogging. I canceled my Xbox Live subscription because of the deficient gene pool that haunts that realm, and I'm willing to do the same with my blog if I have to be concerned with being associated with such genetic refuse here too. Or I could make it non-public and just for the scantabulous-approved.
I quickly logged in and deleted the thing this morning, and after I got home from work I have checked through my old posts for any other changed pictures that any morally challenged adolescents decided to change.
I post this blog to be totally work-safe, so please don't think that that picture was put up by me if you saw it. If you did see it (I hope I caught it before anyone had to view that awful thing) then I am sorry, and I am taking measures to prevent that kind of hacking in the future. I suggest those of you with blogspot blogs do the same.
I reported it to blogspot with all the relevant information (link address, etc), so hopefully blogspot will be on their toes, and I am only going to put up images I first download and upload from my (router-and-firewall-protected) computer. I don't entirely know how they were able to replace my linked pic with one of their own, because the original pic is still there at the same address, but it definitely only happened with pics I linked-to rather than uploaded (such as the map). Its probably better I upload them from my own computer site anyway because stealing bandwidth from the original sites of those pictures just so people can see the pictures on my blog is probably a jerk thing to do anyway (I didn't realize this was the case before I looked into it today).
Now they may have just been too lazy to replace my actual uploaded pics, and could still do it, but I'm hoping that extra work will keep the script kiddies out of there. If not then, well, I can live without blogging. I canceled my Xbox Live subscription because of the deficient gene pool that haunts that realm, and I'm willing to do the same with my blog if I have to be concerned with being associated with such genetic refuse here too. Or I could make it non-public and just for the scantabulous-approved.
Friday, July 6, 2007
The Meteor Mines of Kuldaar
Word to your moms.
Back in the days of yore, like, 1994-1999, I used to get the flu/colds a lot. I don't know whether it was because my immune system was building itself up into the super-resistant eat-food-off-the-floor-and-never-get-sick form it is in today, or whether I was just really bored back then. Either way, I used to take Dayquil when I had to go to classes in undergrad, and then I'd spend the rest of the day on the couch. I quickly realized during the couch time that Cyberninja's Imagination Station reached unfathomable heights of insanity while he was on Dayquil, so I used to try and write DnD adventures during the 'peak hours' of the Dayquil-induced waking coma. But like I said, I stopped getting sick all the time and went off to grad school where I rarely if ever laid around sick on the couch high on meds.
In any case, I was rummaging through a trunk containing some old RPGs and magazines I have stored away that I can't let myself part with, and I found the following hand-drawn map tucked into the back of an old Dragon magazine...
Now, I have no recollection of ever drawing this crazy freaking thing, but I have to say that it is totally awesome. Clearly this is some sort of Otherworld style ripoff, with a little bit of Return to the Planet of the Apes thrown in (note the "Forbidden Zone" in the lower right hand corner). I also recognize the word "Lunth crystal" from some old Star Wars novels. I must have gotten the idea to write a (2nd edition) AD&D adventure either a) on another planet or b) in another dimension, because this thing has Barsoom (pulp Mars) written all over it!
Usually I look back on my past self and cringe with embarrassment at any number of my immaturities, but looking at this map makes me smile at how well I could dive into my own worlds back then. I was half-considering taking a shot at crafting an adventure out of this map for a one-shot sci-fi pulpy Fantasy Grounds or PnP game, but the creativity muscles necessary to do justice to this have atrophied in my old age.
Back in the days of yore, like, 1994-1999, I used to get the flu/colds a lot. I don't know whether it was because my immune system was building itself up into the super-resistant eat-food-off-the-floor-and-never-get-sick form it is in today, or whether I was just really bored back then. Either way, I used to take Dayquil when I had to go to classes in undergrad, and then I'd spend the rest of the day on the couch. I quickly realized during the couch time that Cyberninja's Imagination Station reached unfathomable heights of insanity while he was on Dayquil, so I used to try and write DnD adventures during the 'peak hours' of the Dayquil-induced waking coma. But like I said, I stopped getting sick all the time and went off to grad school where I rarely if ever laid around sick on the couch high on meds.
In any case, I was rummaging through a trunk containing some old RPGs and magazines I have stored away that I can't let myself part with, and I found the following hand-drawn map tucked into the back of an old Dragon magazine...
Now, I have no recollection of ever drawing this crazy freaking thing, but I have to say that it is totally awesome. Clearly this is some sort of Otherworld style ripoff, with a little bit of Return to the Planet of the Apes thrown in (note the "Forbidden Zone" in the lower right hand corner). I also recognize the word "Lunth crystal" from some old Star Wars novels. I must have gotten the idea to write a (2nd edition) AD&D adventure either a) on another planet or b) in another dimension, because this thing has Barsoom (pulp Mars) written all over it!Usually I look back on my past self and cringe with embarrassment at any number of my immaturities, but looking at this map makes me smile at how well I could dive into my own worlds back then. I was half-considering taking a shot at crafting an adventure out of this map for a one-shot sci-fi pulpy Fantasy Grounds or PnP game, but the creativity muscles necessary to do justice to this have atrophied in my old age.
Sunday, July 1, 2007
Waterfalls and Werebeasts
Since the zombocalypse is just around the corner, Mary and I have been going hiking every weekend in different national parks and forests. We are hoping to find a defensible bug-out area with plentiful food, as well as catch sight of the elusive Sasquatch that roams Lane County, OR.
This week we went to Silver Falls State Park, and this time I actually got Mary to wear her survival backpack (the training exercise needs to be as real as possible, you understand) as it was now all contained in a nice new camelback backpack (thanks Mom!), and she was now willing to wear it. Unfortunately upon arriving at the park I found out she had gone through it and removed some major items that she deemed unnecessary, such as kinetic flashlight, first aid kit, and slim jims. She justified this by saying that since our survival packs are virtually identical, we don't need two of everything. She scoffed at my entirely plausible scenario in which I get kidnapped by the Sasquatch tribe and the only way to rescue me is to ransom me for slim jims. I know, I know...she takes a lot of looking after.
Anyway, holy shit there's a lot of waterfalls at Silver Falls state park! The place is ri-god-damn-diculous in its natural wonders. We only made it about half way around the park and decided to turn around as it was getting late. I was identifying edible plants with my handy-dandy west-coast plants guide as we went, as I normally do when we hike, so it takes longer for us than most folks when we go hiking due to me constantly stopping and going "Ooooh! Look at that! I bet that's edible!" (Note: 75% of the time it is not edible, and a surprising 20% of the time its actually poisonous). Also Mary and I had a good time pointing at plants and whatnot and making up stupid scientific names for them and "explaining" ridiculous and totally fabricated "science facts" about them as we walked by people trying to make each other laugh.
That's me actually behind a really high waterfall. The trails go all around the waterfalls, it is pretty awesome. The only downside to the park is that it is over an hour north of where we live, making it impossible to quickly get to in case of EMP attack (as seen on 24; season 4; episode 6:00-7:00pm). Nevertheless, its a good source of freshwater.
As for eating, I did find some Salmonberries, which taste neither like salmon nor berries, they really just taste like crappy water. They should be called Blandberries.
Note: Its fun to act like you're eating the berries and flowers at random (though you've identified them -- mostly) on a trail when a church group or family with many small kids goes by, as the adults stare at you in absolute horror and the kids immediately start reaching for the colorful plants. You've never seen kids get picked up so fast and put back in the child-chariot backpack all demasculated dad's must wear to keep them from eating the moss and red berries.
Holy crap, more waterfalls!
That is a tall-ass skinny waterfall. I couldn't get the top in the picture even though I was really far away and in full panoramic mode.
Check it out, I also found pantloads of this stuff in the woods: Foxglove.
That crap is super-poisonous (to ingest). Don't eat that.
My woodland craft skills have been improving rapidly since I returned from Thailand. Especially my ability to blend in with the natural background (depending on the brightness setting of your monitor). Here, check out this picture. Now, you wouldn't know it at first glance, but I'm actually in this picture!
I'm totally serious, that's not just a picture of another waterfall, I'm in there (and if you can actually see my face then your monitor is turned up way too high and you're burning out your eyes). Uncanny, isn't it? And I probably don't have half the skill as your average forest-born Sasquatch. Now we understand how Sasquatch has eluded us all these years -- we just can't see them in the pictures they're so well camouflaged. But don't worry, I'll stay vigilant and keep looking. Scantabulous readers deserve to know the truth!
Final Tally:
Number of Waterfalls found: 5
Number of edible plants identified: ~3
Number of edible plants actually eaten: 1
Number of poisonous plants almost eaten: 1
Number of Sasquatches caught on camera: ???
This week we went to Silver Falls State Park, and this time I actually got Mary to wear her survival backpack (the training exercise needs to be as real as possible, you understand) as it was now all contained in a nice new camelback backpack (thanks Mom!), and she was now willing to wear it. Unfortunately upon arriving at the park I found out she had gone through it and removed some major items that she deemed unnecessary, such as kinetic flashlight, first aid kit, and slim jims. She justified this by saying that since our survival packs are virtually identical, we don't need two of everything. She scoffed at my entirely plausible scenario in which I get kidnapped by the Sasquatch tribe and the only way to rescue me is to ransom me for slim jims. I know, I know...she takes a lot of looking after.
Anyway, holy shit there's a lot of waterfalls at Silver Falls state park! The place is ri-god-damn-diculous in its natural wonders. We only made it about half way around the park and decided to turn around as it was getting late. I was identifying edible plants with my handy-dandy west-coast plants guide as we went, as I normally do when we hike, so it takes longer for us than most folks when we go hiking due to me constantly stopping and going "Ooooh! Look at that! I bet that's edible!" (Note: 75% of the time it is not edible, and a surprising 20% of the time its actually poisonous). Also Mary and I had a good time pointing at plants and whatnot and making up stupid scientific names for them and "explaining" ridiculous and totally fabricated "science facts" about them as we walked by people trying to make each other laugh.
That's me actually behind a really high waterfall. The trails go all around the waterfalls, it is pretty awesome. The only downside to the park is that it is over an hour north of where we live, making it impossible to quickly get to in case of EMP attack (as seen on 24; season 4; episode 6:00-7:00pm). Nevertheless, its a good source of freshwater.As for eating, I did find some Salmonberries, which taste neither like salmon nor berries, they really just taste like crappy water. They should be called Blandberries.
Note: Its fun to act like you're eating the berries and flowers at random (though you've identified them -- mostly) on a trail when a church group or family with many small kids goes by, as the adults stare at you in absolute horror and the kids immediately start reaching for the colorful plants. You've never seen kids get picked up so fast and put back in the child-chariot backpack all demasculated dad's must wear to keep them from eating the moss and red berries.
Holy crap, more waterfalls!
That is a tall-ass skinny waterfall. I couldn't get the top in the picture even though I was really far away and in full panoramic mode.
Check it out, I also found pantloads of this stuff in the woods: Foxglove.
That crap is super-poisonous (to ingest). Don't eat that.
My woodland craft skills have been improving rapidly since I returned from Thailand. Especially my ability to blend in with the natural background (depending on the brightness setting of your monitor). Here, check out this picture. Now, you wouldn't know it at first glance, but I'm actually in this picture!
I'm totally serious, that's not just a picture of another waterfall, I'm in there (and if you can actually see my face then your monitor is turned up way too high and you're burning out your eyes). Uncanny, isn't it? And I probably don't have half the skill as your average forest-born Sasquatch. Now we understand how Sasquatch has eluded us all these years -- we just can't see them in the pictures they're so well camouflaged. But don't worry, I'll stay vigilant and keep looking. Scantabulous readers deserve to know the truth!
Final Tally:
Number of Waterfalls found: 5
Number of edible plants identified: ~3
Number of edible plants actually eaten: 1
Number of poisonous plants almost eaten: 1
Number of Sasquatches caught on camera: ???
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