Sunday, June 22, 2008

Ash is 50!

Hey! Its Bruce Campbell's 50th birthday today! Hooray!

You know, Bruce played Autolycus in Xena the Warrior Princess.

Speaking of Xena, I recently encountered a very interesting game formula while digging around in the local Gamestop bargain bin:
[(Xena * Diablo 2) + anti-aliasing graphics update] = Titan Quest!

Yep, that's good ol' Rex Thunderguns, deadly dual-sword wielding ranger with his trusty feral dire guinea pig companions Presto and Chango, scouring the lands of Greece of its infinitely huge population of monstrous satyrs, ravenous boars, and blue cat-people.

Interesting note about the blue cat people. They're all female, and they all wear leopard skins. Funny thing is, I haven't encountered a single leopard, but I have slaughtered enough bikini-clad cat sorceresses to open my own leopard-skin bikini shop.

Anyways, the reason I'm bringing up Titan Quest is that it is a beautiful Diablo clone, which occasionally is just what the doctor ordered. I love me some Diablo, and throwing in some Minotaur mazes and Greeky names like "Autolycus, the prince of thieves" can only make it better.

Killing things and taking their stuff is one of the most precious and noble doctrines of sword and sorcery fantasy, and teaming up with buds and killing things and taking their stuff is what D&D is all about. This is why people so love games like World of Warcraft. So the question I get asked is, why would I play Titan Quest instead of WoW? Well, MMORPGs like WoW or Guild Wars come with some baggage that utterly ruins the level-grinding, gem-enchanting, sword-swinging fun, and that is the dreaded people on the internets.

I still remember the first time I waltzed into town in Guild Wars. I had just carefully crafted my avatar: Bonk Rockfist, savage barbarian of the Tyrannozaun people, whos very struggle for survival in the bitter cold shadow of Mount Frostdeath makes them some of the the strongest mortals in the realm. So Bonk adjusts his loincloth, readies his oak club, and waltzes into the city of adventure. What does he find? About a thousand scantily-clad sorceresses and gothy emo necromancers standing in a big circle playing air guitar and screaming in all-caps text over their heads "FRSOT OIL FROST OIL!!1!!! MOB BUFFS"

I don't even know what that means, but right then I knew that MMORPGs were not for me. I'll stick with the direct-connect cooperative games, thanks. I'm sure Bruce would agree.

PS: If anybody wants to team up and play some Titan Quest, I'm all about it.