Showing posts with label video games. Show all posts
Showing posts with label video games. Show all posts

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

What are you?

...I'm Batman.
So I picked up the new game Batman: Arkham Asylum this weekend on the recommendation of my good buddy Paul, and its incredible quality has consumed all of my free time since. This new Batman game is the everlovin' bees knees.

Take the best forensic science investigation parts of Condemned: Criminal Origins, the dark atmosphere and open Central Park-sandbox of the latest (otherwise 'meh'-quality) Alone in the Dark, add a sweet brawler combat system, and you've got Rocksteady's latest release, Batman: Arkham Asylum.
I assumed they would put in a quality combat system, and even a stealth-kill mechanic that's fun to use, but what I didn't expect was the cool 'detective mode' system where you can look around a room as Batman would, to pick out fingerprints and chemical vapors and other forensic evidence. It really adds the detective element to the game.


Without giving anything away, the premise of the game is that Joker has set up a super-trap for good ol' Bats, by luring him to Arkham island which he has secretly taken over, and letting all the crazies loose. The plot is an oldie but a goodie, and silently gliding around the island quietly choking-out assault rifle-armed joker thugs from behind just doesn't ever get old.

The voices are all done by the folks from the animated series, so yes we have Mark Hammil as the Joker, which is the most important voice of all because he's constantly mocking you over the loudspeakers. If any of you Jokers are on the fence about picking this game up, or haven't even heard its out, then I heartily recommend grabbing it. Its a Bat-smashing good time.

Sunday, June 22, 2008

Ash is 50!

Hey! Its Bruce Campbell's 50th birthday today! Hooray!


You know, Bruce played Autolycus in Xena the Warrior Princess.


Speaking of Xena, I recently encountered a very interesting game formula while digging around in the local Gamestop bargain bin:
[(Xena * Diablo 2) + anti-aliasing graphics update] = Titan Quest!

Yep, that's good ol' Rex Thunderguns, deadly dual-sword wielding ranger with his trusty feral dire guinea pig companions Presto and Chango, scouring the lands of Greece of its infinitely huge population of monstrous satyrs, ravenous boars, and blue cat-people.


Interesting note about the blue cat people. They're all female, and they all wear leopard skins. Funny thing is, I haven't encountered a single leopard, but I have slaughtered enough bikini-clad cat sorceresses to open my own leopard-skin bikini shop.

Anyways, the reason I'm bringing up Titan Quest is that it is a beautiful Diablo clone, which occasionally is just what the doctor ordered. I love me some Diablo, and throwing in some Minotaur mazes and Greeky names like "Autolycus, the prince of thieves" can only make it better.

Killing things and taking their stuff is one of the most precious and noble doctrines of sword and sorcery fantasy, and teaming up with buds and killing things and taking their stuff is what D&D is all about. This is why people so love games like World of Warcraft. So the question I get asked is, why would I play Titan Quest instead of WoW? Well, MMORPGs like WoW or Guild Wars come with some baggage that utterly ruins the level-grinding, gem-enchanting, sword-swinging fun, and that is the dreaded people on the internets.


I still remember the first time I waltzed into town in Guild Wars. I had just carefully crafted my avatar: Bonk Rockfist, savage barbarian of the Tyrannozaun people, whos very struggle for survival in the bitter cold shadow of Mount Frostdeath makes them some of the the strongest mortals in the realm. So Bonk adjusts his loincloth, readies his oak club, and waltzes into the city of adventure. What does he find? About a thousand scantily-clad sorceresses and gothy emo necromancers standing in a big circle playing air guitar and screaming in all-caps text over their heads "FRSOT OIL FROST OIL!!1!!! MOB BUFFS"


I don't even know what that means, but right then I knew that MMORPGs were not for me. I'll stick with the direct-connect cooperative games, thanks. I'm sure Bruce would agree.



PS: If anybody wants to team up and play some Titan Quest, I'm all about it.

Friday, March 7, 2008

Nibbles takes on the Tomb of Horrors, Part 1

In honor of my recently deceased familiar Nibbles and the greatest of Dungeonmasters both in one week, I decided to start my adventure last night into the most dangerous of Gygaxian deathtrap dungeons, the Tomb of Horrors, and bring along my ranger/rogue from the main NWN2 campaign who's animal companion is Nibbles' virtual alter ego.

That's us, in the camp above the dungeon. The little dwarves in the background are the stupid NPC hirelings I had to hire into my party after my first horrible death in the dungeon.

Mostly they just stood around and let me constantly walk around really slow and search for traps. You think that chest in the wall is trapped? Well, my trap sense isn't tingling, so it must not be, right? Hey, there's a lever inside! Cool! So I pulled it. And got pit-trapped into a zombie-warrior infested crypt I had to fight my way out of.

Initially I just bashed on some zombie warriors no problem (Ranger Favored Enemy: Undead x 2!), and searched around for a way out, but the tomb's guardians got much more dangerous...

Hmmm, I wonder what happens if I check out this crypt...hey, there's a lever here!

...and how does gettin' teleported (sans all my equipment) into a 10' x 10' room filled with confusion gas...and two Ta'anari? (that's "big mean deamons" in English) Great!

A reload and a completely separate path of corridors later...

Hmmm, that doorway looks inviting, maybe I'll go through it (after dismantling three DC 30 traps and fighting off five mummy lords)...

Nibbles smelled something in the Hallway of Many Colors so I was on my guard. Carefully checking for traps I quietly opened one of the colored doors in the long hallway...

...and was promptly level-drained, confusion-blasted, constitution-drained, strength-drained, dexterity-drained, feebleminded, baned, slowed, and good old hold person'd. Then 12 succubi and a Tan'ari teleported in and proceeded to destroy my entire party. Nibbles, god bless 'em, lasted the longest.

Good times!

Now that's the D&D of old. Devin's going to join me for Part 2, where I don't try to open the orange door.

Anyone who already owns NWN2 is welcome to join us take on the Tomb of Horrors (even Jared, who otherwise wouldn't be invited to play D&D with us because of our severe prejudice against Panther tatoos).

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

Halos and Hamsters (Giant Space)

I'd like to start things off by pointing at the poll on the right. Its pretty clear that the majority of Americans think that I am the raddest dude to the max. In fact, less than 1 out of 100 Americans do not think I am the absolute raddest to the max, though they still unanimously think I am flippin' sweet, according to the phone survey. Excellent!

Also take a look at this little number that Paul emailed me the other day, pertaining to the exceptionally stupid monsters found in the early editions of the Monster Manuals and Fiend Folios. Its a pretty funny trip down memory lane.


Finally, I've been playing me some Halo as of late, and have gotten online with my buds Kevin and Cullen. You can play through the campaign over buddies on Live, which is awesome. We'll have to set aside a weekend and go through the campaign on Legendary, thus cementing our place as Legends. As you can play with four people, this means we can use another player. (Anyone out there? Devin? Delp? Tony? Other Scantabulous fan?).

Note: The rest of the Xbox Live system and the Halo one-shot games? Yeah, still full of super idiots.

But a nice thing is that Microsoft and Bungie have loads of money, and they can take that money and make little live action movies and put them on Youtube in the run up to Halo 3's release, and they look great (a lot like the webisodes for Battlestar Galactica did). I may just be biased though, as I have a soft spot for giant gorilla soldiers. These two movies just show what is happening on the ground right before Master Chief returns to Earth in the escape pod (the UNC marines gotta pick him up).

Movie Part 1


Movie Part 2


This really makes me want to see another Planet of the Apes movie, even if the remake was less than stellar. One with fewer stupid chimps and more bad-ass gorillas.

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

ITS A SECRET TO EVERYBODY - NES Illustrator Challenge

Its time for another NES Adobe Illustrator Challenge! Where I draw a screenshot from one of my favorite NES games and people attempt to guess what it is. Also remember that I accept NES Illustrator submissions as well.

As I'm running out of games from posting over the year(s), I am forced to delve into the more obscure games I played. This little number is an Adventure of Link-style "rpg" that involved cleaning magic water and saving a giant tree people lived in from a disease. It was very hippie. You bought stuff and it was super hard. I remember the jump controls sucking balls. But it was one of the first games in which you could buy stuff and the stuff actually appeared on your guy. Unfortunately you started with an extremely crappy dagger, which is shown below. Also in descriptions of the game in Nintendo Power it would talk about how the game was "very atmospheric," which evidentially is game reviewer code for "drawn completely in grays and browns."

The back cover of the game's packaging provided us with this sweet introduction to the plot:

"You are the elves’ last hope. Outside the town walls lurk monsters with the power to destroy anything in their path. Inside the walls, water and time are running out. Soon the ancient elf town of Eolis will vanish into eternity. Only you can save Eolis. No one else dares to venture beyond the walls, onto the World Tree, where towns and fortresses precariously await the whims of fate at the hands of the Evil.

You are searching for the water source and for an antidote to the poison that makes the water undrinkable. To find them you’ll need gold and food and magic, speed with a sword …and luck!

Every town holds a new mystery, every fortress a new danger. Merchants will sell you magic and valuable tools, but it’s up to you to figure out what you need. Long, secret mantras help you slip through the mists, but will you survive the next challenge?

This is xxxxxxxx the legend, the adventure – the incredible journey on the World Tree."

This is a super-hard one. So, for 100,000 Scantabupoints, what elf-lovin' game was this?


-------

MOVIE MADNESS!

As a bonus treat to today's post, I will give one-sentence reviews for movies I've recently watched:

Resident Evil: Extinction -
Telekinetic-powered high-kicking sexy super-soldier Milla Jovovich doing super backflips over all three zombies in the movie. 1/10

The Bourne Identity -
Amnesiatic Good Will Hunting goes ballistic in this over-rated 24-esque CIA obvious-plot thriller! 4/10

Wild Hogs -
Tim Allen goofy comedies are hilarious to people over 50 and under 10, not hilarious to anyone else. 2/10

Flags of our Fathers -
Ha ha, you thought this would be like Band of Brothers, but instead its a documentary about how poorly the US gov't treated Ira Hayes. 3/10

Letters from Iwo Jima -
Not depressed enough yet after Flags of Our Fathers? 3/10

Pan's Labrynth -
Jim Hensen meets Tim Burton in Madrid, puppets die. 5/10

Blood Diamond -
You haven't seen such a terrible fake accent since Nick Cage in ConAir. 4/10

Pirates of the Carribean: At World's End -
Enough stuff explodes to create a decent-enough trailer to trick Cory into wasting three hours of his life watching this pile of crap. 2/10

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Its on!

The Covenant shall pay for their hubris!


I'm back online. Cyberninja5000 if you're in the know and on the case.

Three things of note:

1) Walmart is a frighteningly creepy and sad place at 6am on a Tuesday morning.

2) If you sign up for the free ("silver") xbox live membership they automatically give you the "gold" membership (where you can co-op the game with your buds) for a month.

3) Once you sign on to xbox live, it will download any "patches" or "extra content" for the games you are playing, which inadvertently erases all your saved games! That's a fun surprise.

In any case, look like for the next month the Haloz is a-goona be cookin' here at the Technodojo.

Thursday, August 9, 2007

Red Lights of Death!

DAMN IT!


I got the flashing red lights of death on the 360 as I tried to put in my new/used copy of Lego Star Wars 2 I recently traded in for (traded in Call of Duty III -- Hey, by the way, did you know there was a big invasion of Northwest Europe by the Allies against the Nazis in 1944? I know, like, I was totally surprised too as I played through it for the fifth time). I just got the 360 in December as a gift from my buds and wife for graduatin', and I already have the "burn out" lights? I only play this thing maybe once or twice a week! Jeepers Creepers!

Ya see, the original Xbox 360s have a design flaw that results in three flashing red lights (denoting a "hardware problem") appearing after so many hours of use. Back when the 360 came out (Xmas 2005) they only had a 90-day warranty, so anyone who didn't play the hell out of their 360 to get it to die before the warranty was up was S.O.L. Fortunately, Microsoft extended everyone's warranties in early 2006 to one year. Then, just last month they extended all warranties to THREE years because of this problem, and finally admitted it was a design flaw with the system (at the same time releasing the new and improved "360 Elite" console), though they had already screwed a lot of early adopters by waiting so long.

I went through all the troubleshooting on the website, and then called 1-800-4MY-XBOX, listened to the voice recognition tree complete with goth/emo rock background music (it was totally X-treme), and finally got to a guy who took my name and address. He said that they'd be sending a box to me "ASAP" to ship it to them where they can fix it, but then explained the details and I found out that "ASAP" evidentially means 4-6 weeks. He didn't ask for any "date of purchase" or bullshit because as of the announcement last month, their warranty on the very first 360 sold isn't even up. Let's hope this baby comes back to me soon.

I guess you never know how much you'll miss something until its gone. I thought we had more time before the end...*sniff*...if I had only known... I never would have wasted all those hours beating Dead Rising six times...or...or playing through Gears of War multiple times to get all the COG tags...*sniff*...

...but wait, what of my Halo III preorder? It comes out in only a little over four weeks from now!

That means that I won't be able to ...



...KAAAAAHHHHHHHHNNNNNNNNNNN!

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Call of Juarez

My opinion about westerns, be they movie or video game, has changed dramatically in my old age. When I was a youngster I rolled my eyes every time my dad was watching a western, as with most things to me at that age, without a chance of a lightsaber battle I couldn't see the point of wasting your time with it.

Sometime between puberty and college graduation that all changed, and I now love renting and watching westerns. Be it Eastwood's cool shooting of a hanging rope from 400 yards, or John Wayne's knock-out haymaker, westerns have become awesome.

In the video game department the western genre is sorely underutilized. While six-shooter iconic image of the western automatically makes one think of first-person shooters, the western genre has taken a far back seat for fps's to the ubiquitous WW2 setting.

Call of Juarez is the latest western game to come out for the 360 since the excellence that was Gun. Since western genre games are few and far between, I decided to pick this one up and relive my love of blowing up stagecoaches filled with gunpowder and shooting banditos from horseback, because that's what I think of when I think of westerns.


The makers of Call of Juarez, on the other hand, think of forced stealth missions and gatling gun turrets.

In CoJ, you play two different characters, and switch between them after every level, like Mario and Luigi. Only instead of them being very similar in enjoyment like the plumber brothers, one of the characters is the refined essence of awesome and the other is the epitomy of "Why the hell am I playing this again?"

Lets start with the best first (even though you play him second). Reverend Ray. Reverend Ray is a Solomon Kane clone in the Western style. He's an ex-outlaw preacher who's fed up and has decided to take up the sword of God and smite down villainous foes. Not only does he get bullet-time capability (slow down power) that refreshes almost instantly, and is almost indestructible, he also gets a bible he can "wield." Now that may not seem like it would have much effect on your ability to shoot bad guys, and it doesn't affect game play at all, but it makes you feel 100x cooler than you would otherwise when shooting people in the face. See, the game lets you put different stuff in each hand, so you could have a six-shooter in one hand and a sawed-off in the other, with each gun controlled by the left and right triggers. Well, one item you can always switch to in your right hand is your trusty bible which you can read from while you shoot the crap out of "the enemies of the Lord." Everytime you pull the right trigger Reverend Ray will read some Old Testament Bible verse. Blowing the shit out of dudes with a gun in one hand while reciting the fall of Babylon out of the bible in your other really must be seen to be believed. Its awesome.


That brings us to Billy. Billy sucks. He's a half-mexican "nobody likes me" teenager who gets blamed for every little thing that goes wrong in town, and at the beginning gets blamed for his mom and stepdad's murders. I think the game was trying to teach me a lesson about racism or something, but instead it just taught me how to hate playing video games. Billy has rudimentary gun skills, almost no health, and only occasionally can find guns which are like crappy derringers and rusty six-shooters. The one thing he always has is a whip, with which he can grab branches and pull himself up. Go Billy! See, with Billy they decided to make a shitty platformer/stealth half of the game, where you spend forty minutes climbing up the sides of cliffs looking for whip-able branches, or spend an hour and a half creeping around from identical bush to identical bush in the back of a farmhouse to steal a horse. It sucks. It sucks bad. And the fact that he can only hide in a specific-looking bush makes the otherwise beautiful scenery an eyesore. Whenever you look out upon a beautiful prairie, and then see one of those goddamn bushes, you know a stupid-ass stealth mission is coming up. Plus if you get seen during the extremely boring stealth mission you automatically have to start all over!


Billy's worst enemy...

...the perceptive farmer!

Also, why does every first person shooter have stupid gun turret sections? They aren't fun, oh great game designers, they're freaking boring! While I was under the impression that the gatling gun was actually a very rare item in the Old West, in Call of Juarez there's a gatling gun just sitting around every few hundred yards, and if you see a gatling gun in front of your only path then no doubt a hundred Nazis/Aliens/Bandits are going to pour out of the nearby gate any second!

Also, the end of the game kind of sucks.

In the end, utilizing the scale of the Mayan quipus, a colorful rope tied into knots, the reviewers of the Technodojo give this game:

Knot, little knot, space, little knot

I would have given it knot, little knot, space, knot had it had less Billy and more Ray, but since it was only half a game that's how it goes. Only play if you are a true fan of westerns or psychotic preachers and can stomach repeating crappy sneak levels over and over.